Sorries and Healing

So yesterday, God knocked me flat. I was exhausted last night. To make a long story short: I processed my contribution to our current financial state. I wrote a very long text to my Hubs.
I told him I was sorry. Sorry for letting him and God down for not being the helpmate God designed me to be. Sorry I was not living up to the full potential God wants me to. Sorry I have not tried harder to teach our children the value of a hard-earned dollar. His response blew me away. It was more than I dreamed of. I can't say enough about this class we are in. Not only is it changing our money habits, but our marriage. We are really communicating. Moving toward being on the same page. We have had glimpses of that in the past 18 years, but never like this. I'm in awe of God's timing, the awesomeness of Him, His grace. Humbled that my God cares about everything.
On another note, Drew starts working at the Hooka Bar tonight. I have my reservations about that, and you, Oh Lord, know them. It was good to sit with Hubs and Drew last night, discussing all of our thoughts together. Lord, cover my son with your blood. Send your angels to protect him, protect him from the evil one. You know my heart. Guard his. Singing blessing and honor and power and glory forever to our God is on the radio right now...Lifting it up to you Lord.

Change, it is a'comin

Whenever there is a lot stress goin on in my life, I go to a favorite memory and look at the pictures to relax. I love being on the river with my family and friends. The whole world melts away, and I can just live in the moment for a while. Priceless.
Hubs and I know it is time for a change. Change is hard. We have signed up for a money class at church. Today, we will be working on a budget. I'm nervous about it. I don't know why, I have read it will actually be freeing...I guess I need to embrace the "change". I'm doing this for my family, my mental health, my marriage and our money. There. Take that.

Trying to Figure it all out...

This photography hobby thing becoming a business. I'm trying hard to figure it all out. I feel a tad overwhelmed sometimes. I know that my editing is not up to speed to where it should be, and I still have soooooo much to learn.

Hubs and I have been bickering about my photography for over a year now. I need him to understand that becoming a good photographer that people want and trust to take their pictures takes time. I think he is starting get "it", but is not very patient about it when money is the forefront of the conversation, and how to make it so that we can pay our bills. I do wish sometimes that he would recognize that my being "at home" over the past years as been valuable to our family and in raising our children. Sometimes I feel devalued as a mother, and that I do is important. Photography and the flexability it gives me to be with my family when needed is important to me. On the other hand, it is time for me to grab the saddle horn, and swing on up on the horse. I'm afraid. I didn't realize I have so many fears.

Hubs and I are also starting a Financial Freedom 13 week course tonight. I'm nervous and yet excited. IT is time for a change with our money. Times are tough, yes, but a change is needed. I know this, I pushed to join this class. It might backfire on me, Hubs says I don't like change. I am ready for it. We need it. Our family needs it. I am weary of the money fights, the worry that hangs over us like a cloud. It is going to be hard work, this I know and understand. I am going to have to become majorly more organized. I could most certainly use some change in that area, that's for sure! A sense of direction. I have one somewhat, but need guidance. A sense of driven purpose.

No matter what, always a winner...

Drew's High School Basketball Career is over. He has been so sick, I don't think he has processed it yet. Or maybe he was just done with it. They won the District Tourney, and shared 1st place in the District with Lee. They were awarded a bye in the first round of regions, but just couldn't pull it off in the semi-finals for regionals. And so it ends...
His Fb status said that life goes on, and that the fish in WVA and VA had better watch out:) He does need to find himself an after-school job...Teenage boys with lots of time on their hands, tend to find trouble. I have learned this in the last 4 years. The phrase: Full of piss and vinegar...True that.

New Focus

So I have decided to re-focus. I used to have an old blog about life with my family. My Hubs n kiddos used to get grumpy with me about that. So I have decided to take a new direction. Have a new focus. Start fresh and new. A blog about how I see life thru my camera lens. Post when I feel like it. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.